My Mind. & I. A conversation.

Mind: I tried to achieve X, but I didn't succeed. Please feel bad.

Me: No, I won't

Mind: No? What do you mean by that?

Me: It means I won't feel bad.

Mind: It doesn't work that way. When there is a difference in what I expect to happen, and what actually happens you are supposed to feel bad. Or angry, or dejected, or regretful. And when what I expect to happen happens, you are supposed to be elated.

Me: That indeed is one way to look at it.

Mind: It is the only way to look at it.

Me: Suit yourself

Mind: Dude, you don't get it! If I say something you follow suit. You can't tell me to do whatever suits me while you stand around looking at me.

Me: Why not. I'll watch you and enjoy the show.

Mind: How can you watch me. Who are you anyway to watch me?

Me: I am, well, 'I'.

Mind: But I thought I was 'I'

Me: I don't want to get too philosophical, but you keep changing every hour, every moment. Which I are you, then?

Mind: Well, I am the sum total of all the changes and thoughts that pass through me

Me: The sum total changes incrementally with every passing moment. It is not a consistent identity.

Mind: Are you consistent?

Me: Yes.

Mind: How?

Me: I am the viewer of the changes you make every moment. I don't change. I just watch you change.

Mind: Ah...I see. It is just one of my tricks. You are just a part of me trying to fool me in thinking that you are separate from me. I see how I am capable of doing that to myself. Gotcha!

Me: Oops. You got me. You win.

Mind: I knew it. My rationality, intellect and analysis nailed you.

Me: I see that.

Mind: Ok, so back to the point. Please feel bad like you are supposed to

Me: Why supposed to?

Mind: That is how it always works. If you dont feel bad, or good, its just a trick you are playing with me. You are fooling yourself.

Me: If I do feel bad or good depending on your contents, how do I know that isn't a trick you have been playing with me?

Mind: All right smarty pants, enough. Get back in line and do as I say. I have had enough lessons in philosophy in college and I don't want any more of it right now. You talk like I do, you sound like I do, so you are a part of me. In reality you cannot be separate from me to be able to watch me.

Me: Yes, to talk to you I have been leveraging the same verbal center of the brain that you use. That is why I sound like you.

Mind: That verbal center is mine! Even the visual center. I also have the Intellect, the Analysis, the Words, the Visuals, Art, Expectations, Pride, Grief, Sadness, Fear. What do you have?

Me: Well, I have nothing. I am just the Silent Consciousness. The mother, if you will, of everything you have.

Mind: Without what I have you do not exist.

Me: I do.

Mind: Ok, stop accessing the verbal centres, the visual centres, the intellect, the analysis, the words, the expectations, the forecasts, the pleasure and the grief, and then see if you exist without them.

Me: Let me warn you that is a dangerous request. The moment I do that you will cease. But I will survive.

Mind: We will see about that.

Me: (quiet)

5 minutes pass

Mind: You there?

Me: (quiet)

10 minutes pass

Mind: Alright let's talk about something else. The world is full of jokers, isnt it? The batman movie was not so nice this time around. Time flies aint it? Flies like the birds in the mountains. Gosh, wasnt it nice when we went hiking to see the birds? The blue sky that day was awesome! That guys blue denim shirt was so nice, remember?. Wonder who makes those denim shirts. Levi's isnt as good as it used to be…. Man, are you listening or not?

Me: (quiet)

20 minutes

Mind: Ok, let's go for a break and have some coffee.

Me: (quiet)

Mind: You are killing me! I'm getting tired of this shit if you don't respond.

30 minutes

Mind: If you don't react, I don't have anything to show you or talk to you about. I'm going to take a break myself.

Me: (quiet)

Mind: Yawn...

45 minutes later

Me: Mind, wake up. Time to order the body to do some life affirming stuff.

Mind: Huh!? Whoa? What? Where am I? 45 minutes? When did that happen?

Me: Dont ask me. I don't keep track of time. You do.

Mind: Where was I all this while?

Me: You rested. You ceased.

Mind: And you?

Me: I was watching you sleep.

Mind: How do you know you didn't cease?

Me: Because I saw you looking for me, trying to talk to me. I remember watching you go to sleep. Then I woke you up. But not vice versa. I never went away.

Mind: Yeah? How did it feel watching me sleep?

Me: Exhilarating. Blissful. Now get in line, and do as I say.

The fallen angel by Alexandre Cabanel 1847